Katie Cunion

Hello everyone. First of all, I want to thank everyone for their sweet messages the last few days. It has been a very rough time for me - some of the toughest days of my life so far. We all know that Jen was suffering and that now she is finally at peace in God's kingdom but is hard to find comfort in that. This doesn't mean my faith has wavered or that I am angry at God, because I am not. It is just that I prayed so hard for so long that God would help Jennifer and although he did give her peace this isn't the peace I was hoping for. Jennifer was a beautiful person - inside and out. She loved life and she fought very hard. The loss of one of my oldest and best friends is hard enough, but her death also hit too close to home. All I have been able to think about is what if that becomes me? I know it sounds selfish to make her death about me, but I can't help it. She was a good person with a very strong faith-she fought her Cancer without ever giving up hope-she remained optimistic and strong and yet she lost the battle. That is terrifying. At the funeral on Saturday I kept looking around at her family and thinking " I don't want this to be my family." The all consuming fear I felt was almost more than I could bear. Leaving the grave site was terrible...I didn't want to leave my friend there alone...it seemed too final.

I am doing much better with each day but her death has had an impact on my life that I will never forget. The false sense of security that I felt before is gone. I am still optimistic about my own fight with cancer and I have faith that I am going to be o.k. but I know that there are no guarantees. I believe that someday I will be a true cancer survivor -- it just saddens my heart to know that Jennifer won't be celebrating the victory with me.

Please continue to pray for her family in their time of sorrow.